淚雨

Saturday, August 15, 2009

ytd nite i didn't slp well..
tossing and turning on my bed.. from 1 am till 4 am.

looking thru our pictures and videos.. been thinking of him, all the times we are tgt.. those few months on how we started to know each other well and the nites we've spend outside with the rest of them.. had moments alone with u too, sharing secrets.. but always felt as if there's a barrier between us which stopped us from getting closer..
do u know how it hurts to keep this to myself? i realised i had really developed a feeling toward you.. hadn't forgot u since the day u went bmt.. thot i would, but i cant do it. im afraid if i had really confessed face to face, u'll leave me... i feared tat i wont be able to see u again. even if we remain as friends forever, i'll be really contented. hadn't been hearing from u, and i missed you. he didn't come online these 2 weeks.. wondering how is his life getting on, had his flu fully recovered? does his back still hurts? hopefully he wont always need to rely on medications anymore..

today senior asked me to go for a dinner these few days if im free.. he had been treating me well. teaching and guiding me along the way.. but out for dinner after work i dun think im on. i think the main reason is because i dun wan anyone to like me anymore.. i might be thinking too much, but it just a prevention.. sometimes im wondering why im shutting myself up, wads really wrong with me? idk too....

the sky and ocean might remained as blue.. even after a hundred or thousand years, but my heart doesn't feel the same as before.. im changing.. i dun even understand myself a single bit now.. the earth's revolving.. wad is my purpose living in this world? do my existence really make a difference at all..?

rained @ 12:42 AM